Star-Tribune Editorial Board

Say it ain't so, Hobart.

Please tell us it wasn't your idea to put your name on a new beer for your boss, the Casper Rockies. And that if you could, you'd pour all of the Hobart's Duckbill Draft ever brewed down the ballpark sink.

Adults like you, Hobart, but it's the kids who really idolize you. They follow you around Mike Lansing Field, and run up to give your big ol' belly a hug. You win over even the shyest ones.

So whatever possessed anyone to name a beer after you and plaster your picture on the label? And speaking of that picture, we have to ask: What's with the makeover? The only reason for your new look would be a) you've spent the entire offseason in the gym; b) the Rockies digitally manipulated your photograph; or c) someone's slipped you some steroids.

Since you've never beaten a single child running around the bases, we doubt "a" is the answer. Physical fitness has never been one of your goals.

But being a role model for kids is, and this beer business is hurting your cause. The Natrona County Library dropped its partnership with the Rockies and will no longer be giving game tickets to the 3,000 kids in the summer reading program. The school district's safety director said he'll urge the school board to ban you from school assemblies.

This is your base, Hobart. It's like the Republican Party banning the Christian Coalition from its convention, or the Democrats telling the AFL-CIO to take a hike.

You've also got the Natrona County Prevention Coalition on your purple tail. Its members are outraged that your beer promotes underage drinking, and they want you and the Rockies to cease and desist.

Did you learn nothing from Joe Camel?

Nobody cares if you relax after the game, in the privacy of your - well, wherever you live - and pop open a beer or two. As long as you show up to the game sober, it's really nobody's business.

We suspect last year's visit from The Famous Chicken had something to do with this. He's the premier mascot in the business, and he makes a lot of money doing commercials. It's natural for you to be envious of his lifestyle, but he's never pitched beer or any other type of alcohol.

It's called integrity, Hobart. You're young, and this whole thing can be blamed on youthful indiscretion, but only if you stop it right now. There are plenty of things you could endorse without making the entire community mad at you. Soft drinks, hot dogs and popcorn come to mind. You might even be able to land your own shoe deal, and that could set you up for life.

But society draws the line at mascots pushing beer.

Frankly, we fear for your future. We don't ever want to hear your publicist announce that you've checked yourself into the Betty Ford Clinic, or learn that you're sharing a jail cell with Paris Hilton.

Come back to us Hobart, the way you were. Just put down that beer mug and walk away.